Former Chelsea striker Gary Johnson has revealed that telling his children about his suffering from sexual abuse as a teenager was the hardest thing he's ever done.
The 57-year-old, who has suffered with mental health issues after being abused as a 13-year-old, broke his silence earlier this month despite being paid £50k by Chelsea to keep quiet.
Johnson suffered from depression, causing intense mood-swings that put a strain on himself and his wife, Maryce.
He was allowed to speak out after details from English football's horrific sex abuse scandal, which has seen several former players come out and talk about their upsetting experiences.
"?"The very first thing Gary said was, 'It's my fault'," Johnson's wife, Maryce told the "?Daily Mail.
"As time went on, his dark moods would be very low, very dark. It would be black and white. If he was fine, he was a brilliant husband, brilliant man. I used to call him Jekyll and Hyde. He could turn on a sixpence. Something could just trigger it off. It could go on for weeks."
The ex-player's wife went on to discuss the moment she told her mother in-law that Johnson had been abused.
"I told her," Maryce added. "She knew she was ready to face it."
Gary Johnson: Telling my kids I was abused is the hardest thing https://t.co/Vlu84wX3LC via @MailSport
Tragically, Johnson still believes his parents think they failed him as a mother and father.
"She probably thinks she failed as a mother," he says. "My father thinks he failed as a father. Wouldn't you? If anything was to happen to our children, or our grandchildren..."
Maryce added: "It hurt for many years. It's only since the diagnosis I've learned to deal with it. Until then I took it personally. I hadn't realised he had a condition. It's enabled me to cope better."
Gary and Maryce Johnson share the harrowing effect that Eddie Heath has had on their family's life. https://t.co/GyztvXSPyb
Johnson added that the toughest moment of his torment came when he told his six children of his abuse, something he describes as the toughest moment of his life.
"Telling your kids that at 55-years of age is probably the hardest thing I've had to do in my life," Johnson says.
"They were shocked and mortified but, to them, it explained a lot with their dad," Maryce continued.
Johnson added: "My childhood was ruined. I've lived through a nightmare but I now know why I go to work crying my eyes out for no apparent reason. I'm not better but I'm in a better place."