"?Confused by all the cliches surrounding your club's transfer comings and goings this window?
Never fear, for we have an idiot's guide to decoding the lexicon that will plague your feeds for the next month...
"?Limited funds available
Your club is broke and/or your chairman is tight. You'll get one loan move this January... for a player you've never heard of.
War chest
Deep and imposing. Fear the war chest. Must contain at least £35m or its just a kitty, which doesn't strike fear into anybody.
Silly money
Tottenham have made a bid of £5m worth of chocolate coins, Disney Dollars and Drachma.
Set to (make an offer/sign/increase their bid for...)
Direct translation: Haven't yet. Possibly never will.
Swoop
Clubs are like eagles. They don't offer, or enquire, they dive in claws sharpened and grab their target. Time it wrong and the player could end up failing his medical from talon-related injuries.
Surprise/Shock move for
Chinese club make shock move for Lionel Messi.
Translation: This transfer will NEVER happen.
Braced/Raid
Big clubs 'issue hands off warnings' and 'rebuff approaches', small clubs brace themselves for raids like villagers awaiting a Viking attack.
Exit door
Player X is moving closer to the exit door.
The inside of the stadium is an actual maze, as the club's last line of defence against 'wantaway stars'. If said star can successfully negotiate the labyrinth style hallways and reach the car park, they are free to negotiate with whoever they want. That is the rule.
Locked in negotiations
No sooner is the player out of the stadium maze that he is locked into a new room, with agent and new club representatives, starved of all nutrition until a deal can be agreed.
Done deal
Ah finally...
Source close to the club
I mean technically the guy above is close to the club...
Be equally wary of 'insider'.
Don Balon
Notorious Spanish rumour-monger. Translation: Mr Ball.
Super Agent
No at all heroes wear capes. Some wear Raybans and bluetooth headsets.
Unsettled/Wantaway/Outcast/Flop
Wrong 'uns. Steer clear. They've disrupted their current clubs and they will ruin yours too.
Former target of [Insert club here]
Why don't they want him anymore? Should we be after him, if they don't want him anymore?? What do they know that we don't?!
Starlet
Aged between 14-21. This player has yet to do anything of note. And may never. If they had, they would be a 'wonderkid'. Don't kid yourself, this will not be the signing you've been dreaming of. Same goes for 'prospect'.
Star
Perhaps the most overused word in football. If you have played a minute of top flight football you are a star. If you scored the winner in the World Cup final you are a star. If you are too old to be a prospect and are not just God-awful, you are a star. Unless...
Man
Bottom of the barrel. Not young enough to be a prospect, not old enough to be a star and not storied enough to even make the derided journeyman category. Basically, the only way you can be defined is by your innate humanness... Well, I guess that's something.